Positive Parenting: What You Say to Your Child Matters
Why is keeping your cool as a parent so important? Why does what you say to your child matter so much, especially when they have you at your wits end? Choosing your words wisely and giving positive feedback reaffirms and reinforces good actions. So when you catch your child is doing something good you tell them “I really like how you did that.” “It makes me happy to see you and your brother/sister play together like that.” “You are so helpful, thank you” “You are loved”, it may seem silly but it gives your child a deep, happy sense of well-being. We can all integrate this positivity into our routine but it becomes challenging when our children start acting up.
What is your intention?
Our words are produced by our thoughts and feelings. Thoughts and feelings are made by our intentions. Therefore in order to change our words, really change them, we need to examine our intentions.
As parents our intentions are one of two:
Affirmations to get started on moving from a reactor to a discoverer:
Use the Five R’s
“What is happening?” Or “What happened?”
“How did that make (the other person) feel?”
“Do you need to say you’re sorry?”
“Do you need to fix anything?”
“What will you do next time?”
1. Review “what is happening?” or “what happened?”
When young children are upset, the first R (“Review”) involves talking. Describe the situation, acknowledging and giving words that might be feeling:
“Anthony took your doll. You are angry.”
2. Realize: “How did that make Anthony feel?”
3. Remorse: “Do you need to say you’re sorry?”
“I’m sorry, Anthony.”
4. Repair: “Do you need to fix anything?”
5. Resolve: “What will you do next time?”
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